To do list is looking better, cleared out the basics and got caught up on a handful of things.

My mind just is stuck on the fact that being a 50 year old woman with what I genuinely believe is untreated ADHD just makes everything around the house SO STUPIDLY HARD.

At work, I’m fine – you’d think I was a gal who completely and utterly had her shit together.

Occasionally I think about actually trying to get a diagnosis for it, but honestly, it’s too late for me, and given that it is insanely hard to get a diagnosis, and the Powers That Be have decided to treat patients like drug dealers – not really worth it.

And maybe that’s why I’m trying so hard to get myself to retirement – maybe if I only have to focus on the house by that time, I could do it. (It may just be a fancy on my part, but you grasp onto what you can.)

Living in the US is so…messy. All you ever hear about is all the opportunity, but I don’t know anyone who is doing better than surviving – myself included. I mean, fuck, we’re all just an accident away from bankruptcy because of our fucked up healthcare systems.

And maybe that’s another reason why I want to get to retirement – I genuinely like my job, but I hate waking up every day and wondering if this is the day I get sacrificed at the altar of shareholder returns. (And also, who likes working, LOL.)

Of course that leads to thinking about all the stuff I have to do to be ready to retire. It’s not just the money part. It’s having the house in a place ready for aging, or finding a place already set for it. Lots of stuff like that. It gets in your head.

Like I said, weird feels today.