Things are… eh, middling here. I once again have managed to lose all my routines. I hate my brain so much – it takes ages to get any routine set, and then it takes nothing more than a stiff breeze to wreck it. Being neurodivergent sucks ass sometimes.

Like, I know need a very tidy space and structure and routines to function. I also HATE structure and routines, and lack the mental & physical energy to implement structures and routines and get things fucking tidy. Oh, and all that leads to anxiety and depression. YAY BRAIN.

Granted, it seems to have been a bit more than a breeze that fucked my routines – my beloved cat was diagnosed with a carcinoma in March and my focus was very much on her pallative care. We were able to give her three really good months. She passed away in June, and in July, we brought home two wonderful adult cats, and my focus has been on helping them adjust – they’re doing great.

Still employed, which is good. Not making enough to support myself and another person, which is not so good. And with the job market the way it is for anyone in tech – jumping for a 20% increase just isn’t happening. And my company knows damn well they’re underpaying people, but they also know we don’t really have anywhere else to go. It’s a bit demoralizing that they KNOW we’re underpaid, aren’t doing anything, and still want “above & beyond.”

But, not really much I can do about that but try yet again to get things straight and try to create some accountability for myself.

This is what I managed today:

• Cleared out my gmail account
• Took my vitamins (holy shit I’ve been bad about that)
• Emptied the kitchen sink, scrubbed it and did the disposal drops
• Watered the plants

Not much, but better than nothing.

Spending – zero! Yay!

Tomorrow will be a little better. 🙂